Throughout the life of this blog you guys will probably hear about my tremor a fair amount because quite frankly it has been the source of some of the most hilarious and most dumbfounding moments of my life thus far. So today is just the tip of the iceberg my internet friends. However, I feel I have to start the tremor saga the way it tends to start in life with one of the following:
A) “Oh my god, are you ok? your hands are shaking!”
B) “Did you know you’re like shaking?”
So I’m going to use one of my favorite psychoanalytical phrases, and lets unpack those statements below:
Response A: Ok so first things first, this person is most likely coming at you with concern and general regard for your well-being. However their alarm is 9 times out of 10 totally unnecessary and ends up kind of being a pain in the ass.
Response B: My personal favorite way to recognize a tremor, to which I want to scream, NO FUCKING SHIT DUMBASS, but like I don’t. Deep down I say to myself, they know not what they do, and hope that they too are coming from a place of concern. But again as with before it’s unnecessary and more of a pain for me while I spill hot liquids on myself because I refuse to give up on coffee mugs.
So when I say these responses become a pain in the ass it’s often because people assume that one cannot be both “ok” and have a tremor. This is often rejected or met with more probing questions, which of course makes you anxious and oh wait! Makes you tremor worse and I’m like “ENOUGH Barbara! I’m not probing you about your medical history so back the fuck up!”
The second reason this bugs me is I hate having to make other people feel comfortable about my disability, or my chronic illness. And I am incredibly lucky to be able to fly under the radar most of the time. But it’s bigger than tremors it’s any illness. It’s the notion of oh sorry me coping with my illness bums you out, let me take time and energy to normalize this for you. Ain’t nobody got time for that! I’m perfectly happy twitching up a storm at yoga, and I am not going to worry if watching me deal with my tremor will harsh your mellow.
In short, YES FOR FUCKS SAKE I KNOW I’M SHAKING AND NO NOTHING’S WRONG.